Dear Tia Maria Sue,
I need advice on how to handle a neighbor situation. The elderly lady across the street, who has always been a little crotchety, has now utterly lost it. She prowls the neighborhood, looking for “COVID violations.” Two neighbors talking from opposite sides of the street get 10 minutes of screaming profanities because, in her mind, social distancing means not socializing at all.
She has called the police on another neighbor so many times that she’s forbidden to do it again. The reason? He has his daughter’s family staying with him, which she considers “a party.” My parents came over for my father’s birthday and she called the police on us, reporting an “unsafe large gathering spreading the virus.” She has also called the police on lone dog walkers without a mask and gloves.
She has now set up video cameras, one of which is pointing directly at our house. She has commented that she can see in our windows and has berated us for not wearing a mask and gloves… in our own home!
My husband has suggested that we start mooning out the window. I would prefer a solution that doesn’t involve her having photos of our naked backsides. I also don’t want to be forced to keep the curtains closed.
How can we reason with the unreasonable?
Sincerely,
Persecuted
Dearest Persecuted-
Honey indeed you are! And I also think your neighbor must as well…. she seems to be deeply troubled!
Tia Maria Sue has to admit this is a tough one. Given that there are so many ways one could handle it I have decided to go with my fail proof procedure when channeling just the right response. You will have several options. It is called the Three Martini Response and takes a bit of time and just the right Vodka Vermouth ratio.
Martini #1:
This poor woman is a deeply troubled person, living in fear and has no one in her life to make her feel secure. I suggest you leave a sweet note and invite her over to visit in your garden (social distancing and all precautions taken) and try to see what you can do to make her feel more secure. Try to see it from her side and help her see yours.
Martini #2After sipping my second chilled libation and thinking this over, I think the best thing to do is just ignore her….ignore what she says and does and simply cross the street when you see her coming. It’s like a barking dog, you either have to learn to ignore them or well…..we won’t go there..
Martini #3
Honey this martini was divine! It was so tasty and filled my head with wicked ideas. So I say make a 8 meter by 4 meter cloth mask and stealthly hang it across the front of her casa covering the front door. That’ll send a message.
Now Tia Mia Sue believes she needs a little lie down…
I’m not judging….I’m just saying.
TMS
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